So according to reports this week, it sounds like Daniel Craig is the new James Bond for the new flick (I believe the 21st of the series). I don't honestly have an opinion about Craig (mainly because I'm having a hard time remembering all of his roles) but I do have an opinion about who it should have been......
Five Reasons I'd Have Been A Good Selection For The Next Bond:
1) I'm MacGyver like - I know that's not usually something that is needed to be Bond, but it usually helps. You know, breaking out of hand cuffs while a bald guy says "No Mr. Bond, I expect you to die" or refinding your Mo-Jo (oops - wrong English Super Hero movie). But it seriously has to be an attribute of a Bond character. I am resourceful and I am even an Eagle Scout so that alone proves I know what I'm doing. Haha - whatever.
2) I like gadgets and cars - For anyone that knows me, I have more toys and gadgets then is recommended by the National Health Administration. Bond always seems to get the cool gadgets and toys and I would love to endorse these products. An iPod with a container for Captain Morgan in the side. So when you really think it's over, you can drink and listen to good toons. Or watch movies on the new iPod (no - I don't have one yet but holy crap is it tempting). Plus driving the latest model of BMW would be pretty sweet!
3) I love Vodka martinis - Vodka is my middle name. Or maybe I'm half Polish like Eddie. Well Eddie's 100% Polish but he doesn't like Vodka. Not sure I'm an expert enough to know what the taste difference between "shaken, not stirred" is - I'll leave that to you true alcoholics out there. I'm still an alcoholic in training.
4) I have charm and love the ladies - So it might not be the same charm as Pierce Brosnan or Sean Connery but my mom thinks I'm charming. Plus I would be a perfect gentleman for my "Bond Girl" costar. I'm thinking Brittany Murphy or Rachel McAdams would make great Bond Girls to star opposite me.
5) It'd be good for my singlehood - nothing would propel me higher in the ranks of "most eligible bachelor" than starring as the new James Bond. Plus it would be a good story to tell the grandkids someday.
Five Reasons I Wouldn't Make A Good Bond:
1) As Chris Farley once said: I have what doctors call a little bit of a weight problem. I could work a lot of it off if I was being considered for the role of Bond. But at this point, not sure people would line up around the block to see a fat bald guy wear an oversized tux and run around shooting people. Plus I wouldn't be able to hide behind corners or under tables when I had broken into the enemies room. The bad guys would see me from behind the column and just start shooting me where the other Bonds would go unnoticed.
2) I don't speak Russian or any other language - Not sure this is a requirement, but it always seems that James knows what's going on no matter what country he's in. You could have another space movie (Moonraker wasn't too bad though) where he meets aliens for the first time on Mars and of course Bond would know what they are saying. I don't even have an English Accent as most of the Bonds have had.
3) I'm a pacifist, can't kill anyone - even in the world of "make believe" (isn't Hollywood real?) I have a hard time welding a gun and aiming at someone. Plus I have very poor aim with a gun (although I find the Walther a very pretty gun... go figure).
4) Hard to find a stunt double that looks like me - Not sure how extensive that list would be but I'm sure they'd have to go way down on the list to find a double that is 6'6" and bald and tips the scales at 305 (per my driver's license..... none of us lie do we? haha). If it makes you feel better, when I did my fitness test a couple of years ago, they said I'm like 235 of just skin and bones and stuff.... with 0% body fat I could only weigh as little as 235. Yes, I've always been this big!
5) Wouldn't fit in the BMWs too well - Maybe they could make the first ever Bond Hummer. That'd be pretty cool. I could handle driving OVER the bad guys and through walls into the embassies. Yet again, another thing I could handle endorsing.
Song of the Day - in honor of Bond, I pulled up the Goldeneye title song that was sung by Tina Turner but written by The Edge from U2. He was credited as "Dave Evans" which is his real name. Good song and I like Tina Turner believe it or not. Go check it out on the new iTunes 6 that lets you buy videos:)
Video of the Day - so my favorite Bond was probably Brosnan just because that's my generation. But my favorite Bond movie was Goldfinger - I just think that was a classic Bond and Good vs Evil battle that will go on forever as a classic. Other good ones are The Man With The Golden Gun.
Webpage of the Day - On a somewhat related topic.... http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,2-1825056,00.html - PC goes to the next phase of turning our world into a ridiculous fiction novel. Too funny.
HAVE A GREAT FRIDAY!!!
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4 comments:
This was one of your best posts to date. I thoroughly enjoyed it.
You know there are alternatives to ipods that are just as good, if not better don't you?
Glad you liked it Kahn!
007 Wannabes Wanted
Just found that - it's kind of funny.
I actually enjoyed Timothy Dalton but he was just a bad actor. I think of all the acting, Brosnan was the best and the most what I would consider to be "James Bond". Not sure why he didn't want to do anymore movies. It's good money for him I'm sure;)
Everyone always remembers The Thomas Crown Affair but that could have been because the character was pretty much like Bond or the fact that you get to see Rene Russo's boobs - take your pick. I bet Brosnan got some big bucks for his role in Mrs. Doubtfire!!
He was also in The Lawnmower Man if I remember right.
It would be helpful if you added a couple of pic's of you in a tux to compare side by side with other former Bonds. Next time you are in your tux for the symphony you should take some. Get some action shots also, like you peeking around the corner with a gun (okay I know you are a democrat, you can just use your pointer finger and thumb in a gun-like fashion if you want.)
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