Chuck

Happy Birthday Pitzen! Hope California treats you as well for the bday as you know Iowa always does. I'm sure they have enough bars that would let you get drunk then walk home from like you would if you were back here!

@)(*&$#@$ Varments. Looks like they even figured out how to use computers in the past week. How'd that happen? They beat us 5-2 which sucks. Not the best night for the Brews Bros but now the first half of the longest season in sports is finished. Clean slate and the Bros will once again rise to the top. I finished with a 386 series or so which wasn't as good as I should have. Still above my average which is important. plus I think i passed Mr. Fink in the standings which is always a plus! I also beat Krabby last night which I know he's none too proud of! But the )(*$#@$@ Varments...

So I usually don't do this, but I wanted to give you some high quality entertainment going into the weekend. Yesterday I received some of the funniest emails ever. So here for your enjoyment is everything you wanted to know about Chuck Norris. It's also just as funny if you substitute "The Pat" in every time you see "Chuck Norris".

I know you love him Grams so this one's for you!

Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds till what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him.

Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck Norris roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck Norris said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger; it is actually a list of people that Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked in the face that day.

If you unscramble the letters in "Chuck Norris" you get "Huck corn, sir." That is why every fall, Chuck Norris travels to Nebraska and burns the entire state down.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot,
Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

Crop circles are Chuck Norris's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f**k down.

In fine print at on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and that those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a handgun and a bucket.


CHECK BACK TOMORROW FOR MORE OF THESE!!!!

Song of the Day - nothing new here. What sounds good to listen to today?

Video of the Day - I went to the Chuck Norris webpage and realized that there are a ton of movies with him in it and I don't think any of them did very well at the boxoffice. Then I went to IMDB and looked at what he's done cameos in and that list is much more recognizable. Funny one was he played the character Matt Logan in A Force of One. Close to someone we all know and love but not quite. Matt, I know everyone mispronounces your name anyway so maybe this is you! Chuck was also featured in a movie called Cathode F**k (not joking).... how appropriate.

Webpage of the Day - Why couldn't I have been on this flight?

Have a great FRIDAY!!!